Is what he did, sexual abuse? I don't remember him ever touching my private areas, or him doing anything sexual with me. My Dad's explicit conversations about sex have made it so that sex often reminds me of my father. I feel repulsed by men a lot and I get triggered by certain things, but I still feel guilty saying "no" or "stop". I have a hard time with sex and relationships now. It's awful to look back at all the affection you got from a parent and try to figure out which parts were grooming and which parts were normal. Now as an adult, I mostly try not to think about it all, but the other day my boyfriend was tickling my back, and it made me think of my Dad and wonder if he had been grooming me. The repulsive sex that was completely devoid of love. I feel disgusted when I think of the older men that I let use me. I was naive enough to think he cared about me. My first time, at 15, was statutory rape, and I'd been drinking. My junior high school teacher who I'd confided in tried to take advantage of me, but thankfully that didn't happen. I kept seeking out a father figure in the form of older men. I think he may have done something to my brother, as my brother exhibited inappropriate sexual behaviors as a kid, and my brother also held me down and humped me as a teen, something I figure he must have learned from him. I tend to go inwards and live inside of myself in some sort of fantasy land. This pasting on a mask and pretending things are ok, this is something that has really stuck with me throughout my life, as I've ended up dating men like my father and hiding my true feelings.
Nifty gay stories rough skin#
So I'd try to just walk on eggshells around him and paste on a smile when he talked about things that made my skin crawl. Sometimes I tried telling him I didn't like it when he talked about sex with me, and he would get mad and call me a prude, and punish me by making me feel like I was "bad". But on the other hand I was repulsed by his behavior and I was scared of him, scared that he'd do something to me. The more I starved myself the more attention I got. I was really messed up by it because part of me wanted fatherly love and attention, and he seemed to give these other girls my age more attention, so I'd starve myself and try to be more like them. He'd talk about things he wanted to do to young girls.
He'd make comments about my friends' bodies, when they were my age. He was rather close with neighbourhood girls who were maybe 16 years old, (one was one of my sisters former friends) and I could see how he looked at them with lust.
I'd say most of our conversations would involve some sort of innuendo, it's not like we ever had heart to hearts or talked about normal things. One time I asked "what should I do" because I was asking for advice about something, and he said "just make small circles," alluding to masturbating. He made me toaster strudels and drew a penis on it with the icing. At the table, while eating breakfast, he'd talk about swallowing and stuff. To him, women are here to please their man whether they want to or not, and look hot, and that's about it. He'd tell me that I should always "swallow" for a guy. He talked to me about his previous sex life with my mom, and how she wasn't very good and wouldn't give him anal sex as much as he'd like because it was too inconvenient etc. He started making comments that I had a nice butt after I lost weight and he started paying more attention to me.
Nifty gay stories rough plus#
I assume that maybe since my sister is not my Dad's biological child, he was more interested in sexually abusing her? Plus I got my period at around 9 years old, so maybe that stopped him from going any further?īut my Dad continued making me uncomfortable, because he would talk about sex a lot, in a way that I found inappropriate.
The police had no evidence so it was dropped. My sister had moved away with my mom at that point. I found out about the accusation and really didn't want to believe it. When I was around 9 years old, the police investigated my dad because my sister accused him of sexually abusing her. My older half sister lived with us until I was around 8 maybe. He kept somewhat pornographic magazines in the bathroom, although not always on the top of the magazine pile, but they were out where a curious child could find them. He and I would sometimes spoon on the couch, clothed. Like tracing his finger down my back in shapes. I remember he would also "tickle" my back while I was laying down.
That's all I remember about the wrestling. He would wrestle with me and pin me down and then cover my mouth with his hand. Wondering if what I went through as a child & teen with my father counts as sexual abuse.Īs a child, it started off with my father "wrestling" with me.